House rules, money chats, and privacy boundaries that keep the peace — and keep the love.

You know that moment when you look around your house and think, “Why are there suddenly three extra chargers, a protein shaker living in my sink, and a mysterious pile of shoes breeding near the front door?”

Yep. The kids are back. Or maybe Mum’s moved in. Or everyone’s doing the “we’ll just stay a little while” shuffle because rent is wild, house prices are bonkers, and life is doing that thing where it refuses to be tidy.

And listen — this isn’t failure. This is families adapting.

In Australia, research has shown more young adults are living with parents than in past decades. In the US, multigenerational households have climbed over time too.

So, if your home is becoming a little “three generations and a dog” situation… you’re not alone, love. Let’s make it work without sacrificing your sanity, your marriage, or your right to wear a robe in peace.

Why this is happening (and why it’s not your fault)

This rise in multigenerational living isn’t because today’s young adults are lazy or because you “spoiled them”.

It’s a mix of:

• housing affordability pressure

• cost-of-living and bills that keep climbing

• study and income realities

• culture and family support needs (including care responsibilities)

That’s not me guessing — it’s showing up in real data and reporting.

We can drop the shame right now. We’re doing what families have always done: pull together.

Now… pulling together is beautiful.
But pulling together without boundaries is a fast track to resentment.

Let’s do this with love and structure.

The Big Shift: They’re not “kids” anymore

(and you’re not their manager)

If your adult child is moving home, the relationship has to shift from:

Parent → Child
to
Adult → Adult (who happen to be related and mildly traumatised by the grocery bill)

That means:

• respect goes both ways

• expectations get spoken out loud

• nobody “mind-reads”

• and the home runs on agreements, not emotional explosions

Step 1: The Family Meeting (yes, it’s awkward — do it anyway)

Before suitcases land in the hallway, call a meeting. No drama. No interrogation. Just a calm “we need a plan”.

What you cover in 30–45 minutes

1. How long is “for a while”?

   • Set a review date (e.g., 6 weeks / 3 months).

2. Money expectations

   • Board/rent, bills, food, savings plan.

3. House rules

   • Cleaning, noise, guests, routines.

4. Privacy and space

   • Bedrooms, bathrooms, quiet zones.

5. Communication

   • How you’ll raise issues without World War III.

My favourite line to open with

“We love you and we want this to work — so we’re going to set it up properly from the start.”

Warm. Strong. Clear.

Step 2: House Rules That Don’t Feel Like You’re Running a Boarding School

Here are “adult” house rules — the kind that feel respectful, not controlling.

The “Peace & Respect” Rules (choose what fits)

• Everyone contributes daily (even if it’s just dishes and bins).

• If you cook, you clean (or you swap chores — but it’s agreed).

• Quiet hours (especially if you’re working or sleeping early).

• Ask before inviting people over (yes, even their partner).

• Knock. Always.

• Communal spaces reset nightly (kitchen benches are not storage units).

• Laundry schedule (because fighting over the machine is a silly way to suffer).

• No sulking as a communication method (we’re grown women; we use words).

• Alcohol/partying boundaries (keep it aligned with the household values).

• Respect the couple relationship (your bedroom and downtime matter).

Here’s the secret sauce:

Write them down. Pop them on the fridge if you need to. It’s not childish — it’s clarity.

Step 3: The Money Chat (the one that makes everyone fidget)

Okay. Money is the part where everyone suddenly “needs to go to the toilet”.

But if you don’t talk about it, resentment grows like mould in a damp bathroom.

Option A: Board + Bills (simple)

• weekly board to cover food and utilities

• a clear agreement on what’s included

• they pay their own phone, subscriptions, transport, etc.

Option B: The “Board + Savings Split” (my favourite)

This is brilliant for boomerang adult kids who genuinely want to get back on their feet.

• They pay a set amount weekly.

• You allocate part to household costs.

• You (or they) put part into savings.

It becomes:

• practical support without enabling

• a structured runway to independence

• less “Bank of Mum & Dad” chaos

Option C: Rent-Style Agreement

If they’re working full-time, treat it more like renting:

• rent amount

• expectations

• notice period

• end date review

Important: You’re not being mean. You’re being wise.

(And if your adult child reacts like you’ve just banned oxygen, that’s information. Useful information.)

Step 4: Privacy — because you deserve to exist as a person, not a service station

Multigenerational living can quietly erase privacy unless you build it in.

Create “zones”

• Parent bedroom is sacred.

• Give them a defined space too (even if it’s small).

• Choose one communal space where everyone resets (like a “no junk” table).

Set routines that protect peace

• morning bathroom schedule

• “quiet coffee time” rule

• weekly house reset (Sunday afternoons work well)

Visitor policy (yes, really)

• What’s okay?

• What’s not?

• Overnight guests — allowed or not?

• Partner staying over — how often? what boundaries?

You’re allowed to say:

“We’re happy for you to have a social life — and we’re also protecting the home atmosphere.”

That’s not controlling. That’s leadership.

Step 5: Communication that doesn’t turn into a Netflix drama

Do weekly 15-minute check-ins

Not a lecture. A check-in.

Ask:

• What’s working?

• What’s not?

• Any small tweaks this week?

Use “I” statements (without sounding like a therapist)

Instead of: “You never help.”
Try: “I’m feeling stretched. I need chores to be shared properly.”

Instead of: “You’re always in my space.”
Try: “I need more quiet time in the evenings.”

Short. Kind. Clear.

When it’s not working (and what to do without blowing it up)

Signs you need a reset:

• constant tension

• you’re avoiding your own home

• your marriage is strained

• you feel taken for granted

• they’re not moving forward (no job search, no savings, no plan)

What you do

1. Call a meeting.

2. Name what’s not working.

3. Set a change plan (with a review date).

4. Agree on next steps — including an exit timeline if needed.

And if guilt rises up? Here’s the truth:

Healthy boundaries are loving.
They protect the relationship long-term.

A gentle word for the midlife woman holding it all

If you’re the one doing the emotional labour (again), planning meals, managing moods, and quietly wondering how you became the household COO…

I see you.

This season is real. And it can be beautiful — but only if it’s structured.

• Your home can be warm and orderly.

• Your family can be close and respectful.

• You can be supportive and have boundaries.

• You’re not selfish for wanting peace. You’re human.

In Conclusion (and your next tiny step)

If you do nothing else this week, do this:

Set one family meeting date. That one step changes everything.

And if you want more support, have a wander through another WYRLORA post — or come join the WYRLORA Circle where we talk about real life (with love, truth, and a little laugh along the way).

Until we chat again,

Blessing & hugs to you my dear friend,

Dianne xx