If you’re caring up, parenting across, working, and trying not to fall in a heap — this one’s for you.

Let me guess what your day looked like.

• You answered a message from your adult child.

• You booked something for your parent.

• You worked (paid or unpaid, or both).

• You remembered everyone’s birthdays.

• You carried the emotional weather of the whole household like it’s your second job.

• And you’re tired. The bone kind.

This is what people call the sandwich generation — adults caring for children and ageing parents at the same time — and in Australia, a lot of the pressure lands on women.

Some reports highlight just how heavily women are represented in “sandwich carer” roles. Research also points to women aged around 50–69 being among the biggest providers of unpaid, ongoing care.

So if you’re thinking, “Why can’t I cope like everyone else?”

Answer: because you’re doing the work of three people.

The invisible load (the bit nobody sees)

Caring isn’t only physical tasks.

It’s:

• appointments

• forms

• follow-ups

• medication lists

• family politics

• “Can you just…?”

• decision fatigue

• worry that sits in your chest at 2am

Some recent insights have even described sandwich carers averaging very high weekly hours of unpaid care — alongside everything else.

This is why you can be “doing nothing” on the lounge and still feel exhausted. Your brain is working overtime.

The 3 symptoms that whisper “overload” (before burnout screams)

1. Irritation at small things (the cup, the tone, the request)

2. Forgetfulness and brain fog (because your mind is full)

3. Numbness (you’re there, but you’re not really there)

If you see yourself here, it’s not a character flaw. It’s a capacity issue.

So we’re going to do two things:

• reduce what’s on you

• make what remains simpler

Step 1: Name your roles (so you can stop being “everything”)

Write down the hats you’re wearing right now:

• employee / business owner

• mum / stepmum / grandma

• daughter / daughter-in-law

• carer

• household manager

• emotional support human

Now circle the roles that are non-negotiable and underline the ones that could be shared.

Because here’s the truth:
You can love people and still not do everything for them.

Step 2: Build “systems”, not superheroics

System A: The weekly care list (one page)

Create one page with:

• appointments

• meds to refill

• errands

• key contacts

• next steps

This reduces mental load because you’re not trying to “hold it all in your head”.

System B: The shared family update

If you have siblings or other relatives, start a simple group message (or shared doc) with:

• what’s been done

• what’s needed

• who is doing what

Even if they don’t step up immediately, you’re building a paper trail that makes it harder for you to be the default.

System C: The “not my job” list

Write a list of tasks you are no longer doing, such as:

• managing your adult child’s admin

• being the family taxi when alternatives exist

• handling every phone call from every service provider

This list is your permission slip.

Step 3: Boundaries that don’t require a fight (scripts you can steal)

For adult kids

“I love you. I can help with advice, but I can’t fix this for you.”

“I’m not available today. What are your next two options?”

For ageing parents (with kindness)

“I can do two things this week: the appointment and the groceries. Which one matters most?”

For work

“I’m managing caring responsibilities. I’m committed to my role, and I need a sustainable plan. Can we discuss flexible options?”

Boundaries aren’t punishment. They’re how you stay well enough to keep showing up.

Step 4: The emotional guilt detox (because it’s real)

Guilt says:

• “If I don’t do it, I’m a bad mum/daughter.”

• “If I rest, I’m selfish.”

• “If I say no, they’ll suffer.”

Let’s correct that:

• If you collapse, everyone suffers.

• If you rest, you can think.

• If you say no, other people find solutions.

Also, sometimes “no” is simply: not now.

Step 5: Get support that isn’t just “try self-care”

There are practical pathways and services in Australia that can help carers navigate options (including respite and supports) — and many women don’t access them because they think they “should cope”. (You shouldn’t have to.)

If you’re feeling stuck:

• ask the GP for referrals and support pathways

• speak to a social worker (hospital or community)

• look into respite options so you can breathe

And please, if your mental health is taking a hit, treat that as real.

Some findings report significant distress levels among sandwich carers.

A WYRLORA reminder (the one I want you to pin to your heart)

You are allowed to have a life while you care.

You’re allowed to want:

• peace in your home

• time to think

• sleep that isn’t broken

• a day where nobody needs you

You can be loving and still choose limits.
You can be faithful to your values and still say: “This is too much for one person.”

If this post felt like someone finally saw you — share it with another woman who’s carrying too much. We don’t heal alone.

Until we chat again,

Blessing & hugs to you my dear friend,

Dianne xx